Wednesday, May 07, 2003

Defend Marriage with A Drink

Defend Marriage with a Drink

So rumor has it that our imaginative legislature has let us down again by codifying state-sponsored homophobia with the passage of the Texas version of the Defense of Marriage Act. Don't they realize that the more wrong something is, the naughtier it is, and the hotter it becomes? It's called fetishization and lots of people get off to it. The more they fetishize our sexuality, the hotter it becomes, and the more often that many of us will get off to it. Strangely, once it becomes legal to cruise Pease Park and commit sodomy wherever heterosexuals do, we run the danger of becoming bored in a sort of "been there, don't that" sort of way. Felonious sex is kinda sexy and trendy at the same time. Afterall, everyone knows we do it and still they're curious. Once the trend fades, the fad passes, and state legislatures begin to take naughtiness off the books, we run the risk of being plain old horny human beings. Now that doesn't sound very cool at all. That's an old tune that's been played out for ever. Why else are all the sitcoms and dramas incorporating gay sex life into their plots? It's naughty and it's cool. As long as gay sex remains forbidden, we'll remain as cool as smoking in the boy's room. So in weird way, we need to thank the Texas legistlature for helping us get our rocks off and keeping us in the limelight.

There's more. Decent sociological research shows that unmarried men live shorter lives, and are more likely to drink and commit crime than their married, domesticated counterparts. In fact, the domestication of males is among the primary supports for marriage as an institution of social stability. I guess those of us who are banned from getting married are doomed to a shorter life of sex crime and alcohol. In essence, a typical weekend for a healthy gay man. I propose that this Friday we all have a drink in defense of marriage. This act unwittingly preserves our cool and trendy lifestyle. They tell us "No! No!" and we get to shout back on our backs "YES! YES!" At the end of the evening, please be sure you keep your end of the bargain with the Legislature by bargaining with your end somewhere naughty.